Delete his (D :) or not
Influences In People’s Relationship In Adult Videos
Ya Chu Mo
National Central University
Ya Chu Mo, Department of English, National Central University
This research was supported in part by a grant from National Science Council.
Correspondence concerning this article should be addressed to Ya Chu Mo, Department of English, National Central University, No.300, Zhongda Rd., Zhongli City, Taoyuan County 320, Taiwan (R.O.C.)
This paper would talk about adult videos in people’s relationship, about would it harm the relationship or not. Start with a short story from my friend, and begin with net pals’ comments about why they watch adult videos. Second, from Chuen Juei Ho, the professor of Department of English at NCU, she talked about how the society thinks about the adult videos and had put the negative tag on them for a long time. Then, continuing to talking about the influences that society always said the adult videos would be, and compared adult videos with the exciting movies nowadays. Third, an interview on two couples, one is elder and the other younger, they are both supporting about the existence of adult videos in their relationship. Third, there are some suggestions about what benefit would couple get if they watch adult videos together. Last, there is some information about different countries’ opinions about adult videos.
Delete his (D :) or not
Influences in People’s Relationship in Adult Videos
Statistic data shows that in Taiwan (2012), most men watch adult videos once or twice a week. When these men have girlfriends, they would still watch adult films, maybe without letting their girlfriends know. Therefore, would these girlfriends delete his D drives if they are unpleasant about this? Their girlfriends would think “OH MY GOD! You still watch ADULT VIDEOS when you are with me”. They can’t understand why.
Below is one of my friend’s story.
I have two friends and they are couples. One day they have an argue later they broke up in a few days. The reason is because one day girl found that there are some adult films in the boy’s cellphone, and she couldn’t understand. So she asked her boyfriend, and her boyfriend said it is usual for men to have adult videos in their cellphones. But the girl didn’t accept answer, she thinks that why you have adult films in the cellphone when you have girlfriend? After that, they had a furious fight. One day, the girl deleted her boyfriend’s adult films all in his cellphone. The boy was really angry. But I didn’t know that his angry part is because his girlfriend deleted the adult films or because he thought that his girlfriend didn’t respect him to delete his files and didn’t tell him.
I stand for accepting a man watching adult videos even when he has a girlfriend.
Girlfriends may think that men don’t love them, so they watch adult videos, and other naked women. But, it is unfair and ridiculous to connect these two incidents together, since some women would cave into the drama plot and couldn’t get out.
An adult video is to a man what a soap drama is to a woman; the difference is that an adult video is for physiological needs when soap drama is for psychological needs. Man may not understand their girlfriends crying over before the little screen. They may not understand their girlfriends only have two legs but they have dozens of shoes, as if they are centipedes. Even though, the adult videos’ tastes now are dramatic, but according to the motivation, it is the same, and it won’t affect the relationship between the lovers.
Why People Watch Adult Videos?
Men didn't know why women hate adult video so madly, and women can't understand why their boyfriends still watch it when they have girlfriends.
Women would consider that men watch adult videos means they didn't be satisfied. This war between men and women is always a hot issue in relationship. There are lots of discussions about it on Internet.
Most replies on PTT and discussion boards which stand on men's side reply that it is a custom for them and it is farfetched to connect watching adult videos and loving his girlfriend or not these two incidents.
There are some reasons why men watching adult videos,from PPT or discussion boards. (2010)
1. Because they were bored.
When women are boring, they would gather to go shopping. For some people, adult videos are just a tool to kill time and see it as a kind of drama.
2. Adding desires when making love.
3. Vent physiological need.
Some men may not have girlfriends, some men may have girlfriends but their girlfriends are tired, feel uncomfortable.
Sometime, men may just want to vent physiological needs; they also know they have to respect their girlfriends. Therefore, they can't ask girlfriends for sex whenever they need it. It will make their girlfriends feel uncomfortable and disrespect. Watching adult videos become an easy and convenient way to vent physiological needs.
People feel upset when there are too many bad moods hidden in their mind, so does the desire. It is easier to watch adult films when they want to vent physiological need. It is a physiological need like we need to eat and sleep to live.
5. Rich sex knowledge.
7. Satisfied the desire as a peeper.
8. Watching beautiful and sexy people.
Why put a negative tag on adult videos?
Report from Coolloud website. (2012) It is hard for sex to get rid of the negative tag.(Chinese)
Chuen Juei Ho, the professor of Department of English at NCU once said that our society usually regards adult videos as devil or something dirty, and sees it as the main reason why sexual harassments and sexual violences happen.
However, if it is that easy the reality could be affected by watching adult videos, and been connected to the incidents mentioned above, then we should prohibit lots of movies that we called exciting movies (爽片), which means the movies only have lots of huge scenes and without consuming audiences’ brain cells. Most people love to watch them during their free time. If so, fast and furious should be prohibited because it may lead to car crushes and drag racings, and lots of action movies also need to be prohibited because they would lead to violent cases.
There is one interesting picture on the website from Alex Noriega (2010), stuff no-one told me, showed that “Porn movie and Disney are responsible for the most frustrated human beings I know.”
It is funny to compare adult videos and Disney, because actually it gives people the different meaning when watch it, but it leads to the same ending. If one person is too addicted to the Disney or adult videos, they would still influence his real life.
It is true that some of the adult videos present in a violent way, like 3P or SM and so on. But this is how the market works, the demand exists and the supply shows up. If we have to forbid the film-makes to take this kind of adult videos, I think it is more important to focus on education, to tell the students what is too exaggerating and what is unrealistic instead of seeing it as something untellable. Because they will find another way to know this, and without education, they would just accept all this unrealistic information.
Interview about couples watch adult videos together.
Hot Issue (2011), a TV show in Taiwan, hosted by Belle Yu and Sam Cen discussed why men like to watch adult videos, they interviewed one couple, Mia and Echo, who watched adult videos together, and interview other people between different ages, generations and sex.
Mia and Echo, is the younger couple who believe watching adult videos would promote the feeling between lovers. In the interview, Echo said that sometimes his needs are too frequent; he would download the adult video beforehand, and watch it to vent physiological needs when Mia was taking a bath. In the interview, it also talked about the different points when men and women watch adult videos. Most men would focus on the action while most women would focus on the plot.
There is another elder couple, Cool Dad and Cool Mom, who are married and have children. They would watch adult videos to promote their feelings with their children. Instead of forbidding them to watch adult videos, they would choose to let them watch and discuss with them to tell them the differences between video and reality. They sometimes also watch adult videos to add some interests in their daily lives.
Actually, it is natural for human to have demands. If the way they use to solve the demands without bothering others and don’t cause problems, I couldn’t figure out what is the point to forbid.
There are five reasons in Stacy Nelkin’s suggestion (2013) about why couple watches adult videos together?
1. It is a share experience.
2. It's an easy way to learn about your partner's fantasies.
3. It can speed up foreplay.
4. It shatters the myth that you can (and should) only be attracted to your mate.
5. It may lessen the need to act out on sexual desires outside of your relationship.
Above all, it talks about what the people less talk about, because of feeling embarrassing or awkward. If so, communication is the best way, tell your lover about how you feel about it. If you want to watch adult videos with your lover, there is not only the mainstream adult video, which we all know it is over-acted, we could have a discussion mildly. In the period of communication, you two are going under through a milestone that lots of couples can’t get over with.
Different Countries, Different Opinions
Adult videos, had always been regarded as guilty pleasure, a bad temptation. We are always told to get away from it in Taiwan. How about other countries think about adult videos?
According to Pascal Bruckner (2011), who comes from France wrote down that, ” When his two-year-old daughter took off her bathing suit on Florida beach, the summer visitors started looking at them. Then the sheriff came and shouted at them that they had to get their daughter dressed again even though she was just a baby.
In this incident, it points out an interesting view of the view between Americans and French. The North Americans have problems with sex that come from its Protestant legacy. In France, people don’t have strict conception about sex. In America, they do care about this because of their religion. When Bill Clinton had an affair with a White House assistant. It not only aroused a great sensation in society, but also he was sanctioned because he lied.
” When America produces so many adult videos but they say they couldn’t accept adult videos pop up in their lives, isn’t it strange and meaningless?
It is the difference between America and France’s view when talking about adult videos. In my opinion, adult videos are not that bad. People may worry about the negative influence. However, the film Batman, has violence. Does it lead to people’s death under the gun shot due to the imitation of the plots? Isn’t it more serious when we are talking about the negative impact?
According to another article from Stacy Nelkin (2013),it quoted Colorado psychologist David Schnarch’s words, that “Porn can actually help foster emotional and sexual intimacy”. Because some people advocate adult videos would ruin people’s confidence and sex life, especially female. David Schnarch had also mentioned that fantasy is part of a healthy sex life, and porn adds to the repository of sex scenarios in our heads. It can also inspire couples to experiment more in the bedroom.
People would agree that adult videos are unrealistic and had less education about sex. From Tracy Clark-Flory (2013), she suggested that “If porn can be damaging to relationships, it is, as with most things, often in our refusal to communicate honestly about it with our partners.” It is for us to watch what our lovers had watched and jumped to the conclusion about he didn’t love me anymore or I am as attractive to him as before quickly. Therefore, instead of angry at your lover who is watching adult videos, why not just share your feeling with her or him? He or she who watches adult videos doesn’t mean you are not attractive. The most important thing about this issue should go back to the base of one mature relationship. That is, trust and communication.
Adult video is like You-Know-Who in Harry Potter. It does exist and no one wants to admit that it has caused some problem in their lives. Adult video won’t cause any problem if people communicate and tell about how they feel in this situation. There won’t be any couple breaks up because of this ridiculous problem. If people don’t ask, and just guess and jump to the conclusion directly, then there is not only the adult video would become the problem. After all, if adult videos become a problem of you two and you don’t have any solution to fix, maybe it is time for both of you to think about yourselves. If it is the best choices for both of you.
ETToday News. (2012). “Watching adult videos make Taiwan females think about handsome men’s bodies and Taiwan males just want to have sex”
Retrieved May 10, 2012, from http://www.ettoday.net/news/20120510/45310.htm
DaMan Staff. (2010) “Ten Reasons why men need to watch adult videos ”
Retrieved May 06, 2010, from http://daman.cool3c.com/node/22528
Retrieved May 06, 2010, from http://daman.cool3c.com/node/22528
Wang Hau Jung. (2012). “It is hard for sex to get rid of the negative tag.” (Chinese)
Retrieved July 03, 2012, from http://www.coolloud.org.tw/node/70082
Alex Norigea. (2010) "Stuff no one told me" (Picture)
Retrieved June 04, 2010, from http://www.snotm.com/2010/06/blog-post.html
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Retrieved July 24, 2011 ,from http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bh19l0FamSk
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Retrieved March 07, 2013 from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/stacey-nelkin/5-reasons-why-watching-po_b_2766968.html
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